Friday, 6 July 2007

Sticks and stones

I know you're probably all sick of hearing me harp on and on about infertility and how horrible it is. Well, if you are, too bad. Go and read someone else's blog. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Char, this is my blog, and I'm infertile. Which means that every so often you'll find a horrible blog post like yesterday's. And maybe today's too.
Being infertile means that once every so often the anger all wells up. And you have an outburst. Like yesterday's. If you're lucky, your outburst results in many awesome comments from amazing people. And believe it or not, those comments really DO help! (Thanks guys!) On the other hand you also get one or two really stupid insensitive ones too, that really hurt. (Luckily I have the ability to delete comments... and chat boxes too....)
But infertility has taught me something. It's taught me how to listen when someone's hurting. And it's made me more careful about how I respond. Because I've had some really stupid stuff said to me, I know what it's like to be the dartboard for really stupid people. Well, for their comments at least. I'm usually quite tactful. And respectful. Or at least, I try to be. Because after all, if they had a CLUE what infertility means, they wouldn't be saying such stupid stuff. But there are a few comments that I don't quite know how to react to... Maybe some of you can help me? What do you say or do when people say things like :-

Why don't you just adopt?

Question 1 out of 6

Incidentally, thanks for all the comments yesterday, and also for the emails I received. You guys are awesome. And I'm really feeling a lot more on my feet again today. It helps having so many amazing friends. Thanks guys.


Irritable Mother said...

Dear Char,
Once again, I love your honesty. Before I finished reading this post I read yesterday's and I am so thankful for your willingness to bare your heart and soul to us. I am sorry for the insensitive comments people have made to you. I wish all of us thought things through before we spoke or typed our words.
At the same time, I am so glad for your heart and how you have learned to listen and be careful because of what you have experienced.
To be honest, I was at first unsure about leaving a comment here because of my "screen name." I thought, What is she going to think of this Irritable Mother? Will she think I don't love my kids? Will she think I'm insensitive?
I DO love my children, and I DO struggle with them. God has shown me He is using my children and my struggles as a mother to make me into the woman He wants me to be. While this understanding doesn't make the hard times easier, it does give me an awful lot of HOPE.
I pray He'll show you how He is using this hard time in your life to make you into the woman He wants you to be, too.
You are a beautiful woman, Char, and I'm so glad I've found you!

May said...

Hi Char, I keep trying to take your quiz but it causes my web browser to crash. I think we're having a bad computer day over here. Glad you're feeling better today.

LaLa said...

So sorry you are feeling down. I admit I used to just say "why not adopt" to people and I shouldn't have : ) Hope you are feeling better...

Anonymous said...

I answered your poll, but I have to admit I stopped "playing nicely" a while ago. Pre-IF treatment me was always gracious, polite, and simply tried to educate everyone on what it means to be infertile. During IF treatment, and post miscarriages I was sick of always being the one who was gracious and careful and tactful. I was tired of teaching ignorant adults how to be POLITE, so I started being snarky and rude.

My family was horrified, but they don't live in my skin. I have alienated a lot of people, but they alienated me first and I just don't want to keep wankers in my life. Sometimes, quite a few times, the offending people realized how hurtful they were... those people are the ones worth keeping around.

Stay strong. Feel your anger -- it's all we can do. We can't process it if we don't allow ourselves to feel it.


Kelly said...

I loved your quiz. You have a great sense of humor!

Nesting For Natalie said...

Dear Char,

My heart aches for you as I read your post. I can only imagine how painful this journey has been to you.

Although we are only cyber friends, and we live so far apart, I wish I could sit with you awhile, listen to you more, and give you a great big hug!

More than that, I wish I knew just the right things to say and that I could somehow take all of this away for you and all of my sisters who carry this sorrow.

In times of trouble, may the Lord respond to your cry. May God keep you safe from all harm. May he send you help from His sanctuary, and grant you support.

May He remember all of your sacrifices.

May he grant you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.

May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory, and lift up banners in the name of our God.
May He grant all of your requests.

Psalm 20

Hang in there dear Char. May our God who has heard your crie,s come swiftly to answer you, His beloved daughter.

Most sincerely,

Pamela Jeanne said...

Hi Char,
Meeting you for the first time. Just took your quiz. Thanks, I needed to vent and the quiz did a good job of letting me pound the keyboard as I checked the boxes.