Of stories and namings

We have a routine that we stick to in the evenings with Jesse-Lee:

Supper.  Bath.  Bed.  Bedtime Story.  Lights Out.  Two songs.  Kiss.  Hug.  Happy.

That way, she gets her 10 hours of sleep, and we get our 10 hours of peace.  In which I do my happy dance pull on my stretchy pants and raid the pantry cupboard, eating all manner of treats that we don't usually allow Jesse to eat.  

It's a win-win situation really.

Long before bedtime she already starts asking which story I'll be reading to her that evening. I love to surprise Jesse with new and amazing stories that will set her imagination alight and pull her into dreamland thinking happy thoughts.

The night before last was no different to our norm.  The bedtime story was new to Jesse (the one where Jesus raises Jairus's daughter from the dead).  When we got to the end of the story, there was a picture of Jairus and his wife hugging their daughter, while Jesus looks on.  Jesse immediately piped up and asked, "Mommy, what is the little girl's mommy's name?"  I answered that I didn't know.  Upon which she stated categorically:  "Well, I think it should be Strawberry Deck."

I shudder to think what my grandchildren will be named one day.

Thankfully that's at least 52 years in the future.

I'm nothing if not optimistic, y'all.

The view from our stoep blows me away some days! Sooo pretty!

I just LOVE this!

On the 23rd of March 2009 at precisely 08h00 a.m., travellers at the Antwerp Train Station in Belgium got more than they bargained for when 200 fellow passengers broke out in song and dance right there beside them! The surprise spectacle created by this group of people brought smiles to even the most hardened people and some even joined in and danced a littlel jig. I just LOVE this clip from Youtube. Hope you enjoy it too!

Scarce!!!

Oh boy, what can I say? I have missed you all SOOO much... My departure from blogging has been partly due to a sometimes on, sometimes off internet connection and our computer is back at the pc hospital today again being defragged, having viruses destroyed and being reformatted... And partly due to the fact that we've had renovations done at our home and they are still underway... and mostly due to the little monster who keeps climbing onto my lap when I'm seated at the laptop, and has most recently removed (permanently!) our "n" from the keyboard! Which makes for interesting typing, to say the least.

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But my hubby keeps nagging me to get back to blogging.

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I suspect this is because he is tired of listening me to ramble on and on about everyday things, that I would otherwise be sharing with you all...

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So, WHEN I can, I'll be back. Otherwise, when I'm absent, you know it's because of

a) internet

b) computer broken

c) sugar booger distracting me

d) laziness

e) all of the above!

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BUT, I just wanted to say - I am SO HAPPY for Jane, my blogging buddy who has just met her daughter, Gabriella, whom she and her hubby have adopted from China. Jane, not a day passes that I don't think of you and send prayers of praise and gratitude Heavenward, on your behalf.

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And wishing my friend, Marie-Jeanne a very happy birthday for tomorrow, Monday. How I wish I could be there to dop a few cappuccino's with you at a cobblestoned street cafe somewhere in romantic Brussells.... I MISS YOU!

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And, Hanlie, we SO WISH we could meet you in Durban this week to say goodbye before you move to Bangkok!!! We love you and will be praying for you in this ENORMOUS move to the other side of the planet!

Hobnobbing with the larnies

We are in Johannesburg for two weeks, visiting some good friends of ours who we very seldom see these days.

It is surreal being here. The last time we were here, things were very different for us. We still had more than enough money in our wallets, in those days. We also never had Jesse-Lee yet...

Which may or may not be related.

I'm just saying.

And, man - you never know just how un-baby-safe other people's homes are until you get to stay in their homes and your toddler thinks it's an adventure park. I am going to be EXHAUSTED after these two weeks!!! I am like her shadow, walking around behind her saying "No, Jesse, don't touch!" every three seconds. Poor child! She's going to think "Nojess" is her full name, after this!

But, wow, it is SO GOOD to spend time with one of my very best friends again, after all this time. I have missed her SO much. Tomorrow all our galpals are getting together and taking all our kids to Monte Casino's bird park. Should be fun!

We'll chat some more later. I think my girl is waking from her nap! Here we go again. I'm on duty to protect my friend's treasures from a little monster's fingers!

Walky Talky

I don't know what all the fuss is about - this walking thing's a breeze! I just PRETEND not to be able to walk properly by myself, so that I get to hold hands with daddy and mommy when I want to explore a bit. And also, my mommy and daddy squeak and squeal when I go walkabout! Very entertaining. If I keep it up, at this rate, they'll still be holding my hands when I walk at 47 years. :o) Hehe. Me thinks that's a plan!

How far we've come!

I sometimes forget just how far we have come, from even just a year and a half ago, to this day. I might get frustrated at Jess and seriously consider growling at her, or I get annoyed when I need to climb out of bed four or five times at night to see to her... and then I was reminded of how badly my heart ached to be able to do these things... to feel a little hand pulling at my jeans, or see those little lips puckered up for a smooch just from me! And I can kick myself for even getting slightly annoyed! Allow me to share an excerpt (or fifty) with you, from my prayer journal.

25 October 2006

Dear Father in Heaven, Lord Jesus and Holy Spirit,

I don't know what to say, but please forgive me. I have been (indirectly) SO angry at You again, that You didn't intervene and allow me to have Jodi-Lee. But at the same time I've been asking You to help me to trust You. I've been struggling, Lord. But You haven't left my side. I've been trying to trust You through it all, but on my own steam, when I really needed to be crouching at Your feet in submission and begging Your intervention and grace. My heart has been in rebellion to You. but You are SO gracious and kind - selfless - that You laid down EVERYTHING to redeem me at great cost - Your own blood! - How can I then rebel against You for not intervening in this one aspect for me? O God, thank You for teaching me that "the glory that shines from Jesus' face is the glory of selfless love. [Your] sacrifice on Calvary shows that the law of selfless love is the law of life for earth and heaven. This selfless love comes straight from the heart of God." {from the book called 'Messiah' chapter 1} So, when I am selfish it is because I am not activated by YOUR heart and spirit. If you live in me, selflessness will be my natural tendency. Oh God, please come and live in me again! Please may I be led of Your Spirit and be living in Your presence and freely give my rebellious heart's desires and trust You selflessless with that which I desire more than anything in this world: a baby. Please God, I am so tired of hurting with this. I just want to give it to You once and for all and experience peace in the certainty that You know what You're doing. After all, You are GOD! There is no higher authority! Oh God, pleeeeeeeeez: make me Yours. Please help me to surrender daily and so to love and trust You more every day. Please God, because this is what You desire for me. And because this is exactly what Jesus died to accomplish. A renewed trusting relationship with me. And please, Lord, let it begin NOW.

In Jesus name,

amen.

December 2006

Dear Father in Heaven

What an amazing God You are, and for so long I have lost sight of it. I just want to praise You for helping me through this week. I have FINALLY given up on trying to be pregnant and what a relief it has been for me. You are teaching me what it means to trust You again. Please Lord, don't stop now. You know what You're doing. You know what's best and help me to keep remembering that. Thank You so much!

Amen

26 June 2007

Lord God,

It's astounded me that it has been more than six months since I last wrote in my prayer journal! It is also six months since we stopped trying to get pregnant. Has it also been six months since I last trusted You with my heart's desire??? Has it been six months since I lost myself in You, or has it been even longer?

This has been the hardest time of our lives and I wonder if maybe that's because I didn't really have You in it? You must be so sick and tired of hearing me rededicate my life to You. But I honestly don't know what else to do! I don't know the right way anymore and I can't trust myself to stick by it. Instead, I simply need You in my life, Lord Jesus. I need to know You, so that I will remember how to love You and trust You again. It has been years of this now... I look back in my prayer journal and I am ashamed. I am embarrassed at the monotony of it and that I haven't allowed You the space to work in me. O God, please forgive me! Help me to start anew with You. I really need You leading me. All my efforts have been futile and yet You have remained faithful. You have lifted me up on my weakest days and carried me. And more importantly, You have sustained my life up until now, so that I would have this opportunity to repent. What an awesome God You are!!! You are amazing. Thank You Father in heaven. Thank You for this opportunity to start again. I am so grateful. Please take this gratitude and allow it to grow into Love for You and trust. I want to be saved by You. You have promised that You began a good work in me and that You will be faithful to complete it. Please Lord, would you restart the "factory" again in me, reproducing Your likeness in me. I want my heart of stone replaced with a heart of flesh.

For Your glory, Lord!

amen

25 Jan 2008

Lord Jesus,

Perhaps the solution to my see-saw devotions is to stop looking back and to just focus on what You have done for me, today, and to not put pressure on myself for the future? What do You think? Because I seriously don't trust myself to stay devoted to You! On the contrary - YOU never change! Your feelings toward me haven't changed. You died for me already 2000 years before I was even born! How incredible of You! You know the awful path I am bent on and You know where it's leading me. I am so inconsistent! It's always either fervor or failure with me, isn't it? Where is the happy medium? Although, now, when I think of it, that would be lukewarm, wouldn't it? And You've already told us that conclusion. So Lord, all I can do is fall on You, the Rock, and be broken. I am already broken, Lord. This body of mine don't work too good! :o) It's only You who can piece me back together again.

So, help!

Please Lord!

amen

17 March 2008

Father in Heaven

Sometimes I wonder what Your plan is for me. I am trying to trust You. My head tells me that You are God and that You know what You are doing. So I should trust You. But my heart is still breaking! Every baby I see is a fresh reminder. I feel a bit shattered, Jesus. I am REALLY struggling with this again. Where is the baby for us??? What is Your plan??? Whta must we do? It feels as if everything we do gets a green light, but then it just falls through as we move forward. What must we do? Is it just to trust You? I must admit, that is one of the hardest things! Please God, help me to trust You then. If that is all You require, I am going to need Your help with that. Because I am failing dismally. Lord Jesus, please intercede for us and for me in God's throne room! Holy Spirit - I so need You! Without You, this is all hopeless!

Otherwise there's nothing left in this life for me!

amen

27 March 2008

Dear Father in Heaven

The way You are opening doors for us to become adoptive parents just astounds and excites me!!! Oh God, how awesome You are!!! You ask - will I still be faithful to You if You didn't do this for me... I want to answer 'yes' because that's what I have tried to do in these last six or seven years, when we made no progress in the babymaking department. You know how my very heart cried out to You in anguish. You saw me. You still do. And, o God, will this time be You answering 'Yes' ? I pray it is. Oh God, grant Robin and I a family to love. Please Jesus! You created us and told us to have children. Why would You then withold the very thing You have commanded? Especially when miracles are Your specialty? Lord God in heaven, please will You open the doors for us? I already have my heart set on this little baby! But Father, You know the future. Please Lord, if THIS is the baby for US, please let the birthmom sign the consent forms. We have hurt so much in this journey! Lord Jesus, You heart Rachel's prayer and opened her womb. You heard Hannah's prayer too. You heard Abraham and Sarah. Hear me now, Lord. Please. This is my prayer. I know You CAN! But will You? Please Lord, do! And God, I really want to mean this: Your will, not mine.

Help me to mean it?

Amen

28 March 2008

Dear Lord God

I am so excited about the possibilities for us and for the meeting on Tuesday. O Lord I am like a stuck record! But Lord, can I hide anything from You? No. You see my need. You know that we would teach our child(ren) about You. And so, God, please grant us children to love. Fill our home with them so that we can lead them to YOu and so that we will also finally understand the kind of Fatherly love You have for us. How else could we realize the magnificent power of unconditional love?

Amen

9 April 2008

Lord God

Thank You so much for leading and guiding. I want to praise Your holy name. You are eternal, everlasting, all-knowing, all-powerful. You are love. You invented happiness and peace. Without You, that is impossible.
I have read of Your character this morning in Psalm 102. It tells of Your Godness. And then it says in verse 17: "I know that You will respond to the pleas of Your people and that You will not let their prayers go unanswered." Father in Heaven, I know You have heard the pleas of Your people crying out on our behalf. You hear them. You see the birthmom and her unborn child. You know that baby's character. You knit her together in her birthmom's womb. You are the Creator and Giver of Life. Is this the baby for us? Would Y ou give us this little life to love and nurture?

I promise (not as a bargaining tactic) that if You do, o Lord, "What You do will be written down (by me on my blog) for coming generations, and people...will read it and praise You for it." Psalms 102 v 18 with my words in brackets.

For Your glory, Lord Jesus, Father and Holy
Spirit!

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10 April 2008

Father in Heaven

I am growing to love our time together every morning. Thank You for giving me another day, Lord Jesus. You give me the ability to get out of bed every morning and You fill me with peace. It is Your peace, Lord, which has made me calm as we wait on the birthmom's decision. Please Lord, will You lead us? And especially the birthmom's family. Warm their hearts toward us if this is Your will, so that this decision will be an easy one for them. Thank You Lord for everyone who is praying with us, and thank You Lord, that it is a little girl!!!

Thank You!

Thank You!

Thank You!

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17 April 2008

Lord Jesus,

You have opened SO many doors for us to get to this point... You pulled strings to get the other couple out of the picture, who the birthmom had originally chosen as the family for her unborn child. You arranged for our profile to get into her hands. You arranged it months ago that the birthmom's crisis counselor became our friend and then You orchestrated that she also became the birthmom's crisis counselor! You made the birthgranny frustrated enough that she wanted to set up a meeting with us, even though in the social worker's eyes that's not done. And then You made it possible for us to meet with the birthmom and the birthdad too! How many doors You have already opened for us!!! It is so exciting!!! You are answering our prayers. Oh Lord, but now, oh how HARD it is becoming to just sit back and wait while they make a decision! The longer they take, the more I am inclined to think that they aren't choosing us as the family for their baby. Oh God, I am trusting You in all of this, but I am going to be honest when I tell You that this waiting is working on me now. It is grinding on my emotions and I am feeling heartbroken, even though we haven't had an answer yet and they might even still say yes. But at this stage we don't know. And that's the hard part. Waiting. And not knowing. And Lord, You know. You are in control. You know already what they are going to decide. O God, please do this for Robin and I so that I can tell everyone what You have done for us! O Lord, please stretch out Your mighty arm and open their hearts and minds to us, and SOON! Please Lord, TODAY! O Lord, please take this burden of waiting from us. Thank You Lord that You will make Your decision on how to answer this prayer with YOUR will in mind, because You know what's best and because You are teaching me how to trust You again. So God in Heaven, be merciful to me and Robin, please. Look on us with pity, Lord, so that we can be parents, so that we can give this baby a name that will honor You and so that we can teach her to love You and she can be saved by Your grace. O God, please open the doors! Please Lord, look upon us with mercy and favour. May our lives be a testimony to Your grace and power and love.

Please Lord, also be with the birthmom especially today.

Bless her and watch over the little baby.

Please, pick us!!!

Please Jesus.

Please.

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18 April 2008

O Lord!!! Thank You!!! My heart soars in praise to You! You have given us this baby!!! I am so excited and amazed and blessed! So much more than I deserve. This is all only blessing! And so, Father we are going to name her somthing that praises You for the rest of her life:

Jesse-Lee

Jesse meaning "Gift from God" and Lee being Robin's family name, passed down from every firstborn to every firstborn. So, every time we say her name we will be praising You for the gift of her. Praising You! For ever!

Oh, thank You Lord!

Thank You!

Thank You!

And that is how we came to have little Jesse-Lee in our life. The biggest blessing ever! I stand in awe of God when I read back in my prayer journal. What a long journey we walked with God until He blessed us with little Jesse-Lee. How humbling it is to consider that God - the CREATOR of the entire universe - chose us to be the family for little Jesse-Lee. He knit her together in her mother's womb with US in mind. How very humbling and awe-inspiring. I pray daily that God will make Robin and I the kind of parents who will honour His decision to have us parent her. Our gift from God.

Irresistable!

Jess has discovered how yummy hugs are!  Now we get cuddled and hugged randomly all day long!  It's better than coffee!  Even cuter though, is that now all of her toys get hugged every day too.  I could just eat her up.

Things that make my heart pump lumpy custard

Noodle Muncher

Bliss

(you can see this pic bigger in a new screen if you click on it...)

Just quickly checking in from my cellphone to let you know that we had a massive storm here at the Hillbilly Dump, and my office leaked and killed my internet. Fun fun fun.

Want to wish you all a wonderful Easter weekend! May it be filled with all things chocolate Easterish. Remember our Saviour this weekend ok! After all, that's what Easter is all about, isn't it? And if chocolate aids you in contemplating Him, then lawaai marai! My mom arrives tomorrow for three weeks! Ok, could anything possibly be better that that??? Chocolate AND my Marmeeeee!!! Didn't think so. Love all you loonies out there. Happy Easter! Chat again soon, hopefully.

It's Official!

I just got a phonecall confirming that all the documents were approved and the adoption of Jesse-Lee as a Hillbilly is finally all done! She is OFFICIALLY ours today!

Crisis averted

OK, so I caught a bit of a speed wobble yesterday. I'll admit it. But today I'm totally in control. This "I'm having a baby and you're not!" thing is not going to get the better of me! I will be the bigger person.

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Unpreggy belly notwithstanding.

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I am a good head taller than Lindsay anyways.

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And who knows, maybe she'll totally freak out and beg me to adopt her second baby when the baby is crying all hours of night and keeping the whole household awake (Wishful thinking!) come to her senses and decide to do what's best for the baby, after all.

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Until then, I will take all of my clever friends and family's advice and MOVE ON! Pretend I don't know what's happening in Durban. And just love on my baby banana booger. I am already SO blessed to have her. I am totally grateful for her and could just spend all day kissing her dimpled cheeks!

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So, instead of being bitter and jealous and cross, I am going to be happy! Happy I have Jess and happy that I'm not still waiting for my baby. Happy that she is ours. Happy that Victor and Lindsay chose what was best for Jess. Without them we'd never have had her to begin with! So, I can't be cross with them for their decision this time round.

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And if, for some unknown reason, Victor and Lindsay also catch a speedwobble and need to ask us to adopt baby number two, dang!, I'll be happier still.

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I'm just saying.

Happy happy

Yay! A new year, a new time to spend chasing chickens out the house marvelling at God's creation and especially at my banana-pudding and her delicious dimpled cheeks! Here's wishing you all a WONDERFUL year, filled with all of those naughty things that will make you fat. If this year marks another year that you've been ttc, I pray this year holds the fruition of your dreams! Hold on. Keep trying. Don't give up yet!

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As for me, this is going to be my "Happy Year". Last year, at the start of the year I decided that I would be happy even if it totally killed me. And just look how happy 2008 turned out for me. Not that deciding to be happy landed me sugar booger, but at least I was semi-happy along the way. And seriously, how bad can being happy really be?

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So, a marvelously HAPPY 2009 to all of my loony lurkers out there!
Yours in Hillbilliness
Char and her brood
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P.S. I've been trying to post this since the 31st of December. Error schmerror.

Game On!

I can't even begin telling you how smug excited I'm feeling today... Well, I was even MORE excited yesterday, because that's when it happened for the very first time. Jess bawled her little eyes out and wailed when I passed her onto someone else! (SO exciting that she knows ME and recognizes when she's not with me anymore!) And then, (even better!) this someone else passed her onto Mr Someone Else who Jess should've been quite happy to go to. Said Mr Person who Jess should've been comfortable with shall remain anonymous. But hypothetically speaking he could well be recognized as one of the Hillbilly Household. If you know what I mean. When Jess saw that I was still in the room, she stretched out her arms and reached for me!! And when I took her from her least favoured Hillbilly ahem! her current captor from Said Person Who Shall Remain Anonymous, she stopped wailing, snuggled into my neck, sighed and smiled! VICTORY! Score one, Mommy. Zero to Mr Person Who Shall Henceforth Assume The Title of Loser Challenger. Not that I'm competitive or anything.

Even an old dog can learn new tricks!

Are you sitting down? Ta-dah! I am actually writing this ON MY CELLPHONE! Which just goes to show that necessity is indeed the mother of invention! Or REinvention. Very exciting! Nobody told me my phone was so nifty!

Which brings me to my next point. You know you're old when a teenager has to show you how to use your phone. And that's all I have to say about that.

Even an old dog Hillbilly in the Bush can learn new tricks!

Some pics from this past Sunday

Jess just looooves Robin!!! I don't know what it is about him, but the minute she sees him she starts squealing. And boy oh boy, she grabs onto his beard and pulls until he grimaces! I love it! It's just deserts, if you ask me. I knew he'd be a great dad. I just didn't know I'd be standing in a queue for Jess's attention whenever he's around. Bugger. I'm going to need to rectify the situation somehow. If anyone has any ideas, let me know.

The many faces of my Stinky Roquefort Cheese Sugar Booger

Still alive. And looking for something to kick!

So, I'm hijacking my friend's computer for a quick hello (yet again). This quick hello business is starting to grate my carrot. I have soooo much to tell you guys and so many adorable pics of Jess to load... (yes, that's my o.c.d. side showing) but I'm stiiiilllll waiting for my internet to be installed at home. This past Sunday would have been The Day, and then we had such stormy weather that the guy wasn't too keen on climbing onto our roof.

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Poofta.

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Just kidding.

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He happens to be a friend of ours (hello André), so I better keep it clean. Just in case he reads this.

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Anyhoo...

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I promise I'll be blogging again as soon as my internet is up and running. So if you don't hear from me for a while, it's because I'm playing The Waiting Game again. Story of my life.

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Toodles!