Thursday, 2 October 2008

Of Meddars, Madmoms and Bum Bullets

I have a sick child. And his name is Robin. Haha. I crack myself up. (It's all downhill from here. Don't say I didn't warn you.) Actually I have TWO sick children. Robin AND Jess. It's not funny, this sick business. Which would probably mean that I'm a sicko for thinking it's funny. Oh boy, here I go again. Then again, if you can't laugh through life's problems, what can you do, right?

Where was I?

Oh yes. Sick kids. My poor little girl is battling a really nasty flu bug. And keeping me awake half the night. I took her to the doc, who prescribed a list of meds long enough to see us through from now to her university years. Unfortunately, none of said meds are sleeping pills. Because she's still keeping me awake half the night. You'd think I'd be used to it after four months of next-to-no sleep. You'd think wrong. Acquiring "Zombi" as my middle name wouldn't be an inappropriate addition.

So we have a truckload of drugs for the girlchild. Another truckload for Mr Hillbilly. And a few half-bottles for moi. I don't mind leftovers.

The meds are one thing. Administering them is another thing entirely.

Cue the "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" soundtrack.

I swear, this child of mine has a Meddar (meds radar) tucked away behind those innocent looking eyes of hers. Innocent schminnocent. Within seconds of the meds making an appearance within her range of vision, she morphs into The Incredible Hulk. With jaws of steel. And that's not all! It also comes with a nifty extra included: a screech that would put Sarah Brightman to shame.

What I don't understand is - why would they make paediatric medicine flavoured with things like grape, or orange? Don't these guys realize that a four-month-old doesn't know those flavours? No sooner have you prised her clenched jaws open, shoved the syringe into her mouth and gingerly worked the back of the syringe down so that it doesn't squirt the contents of the syring blasting down her throat, than she spits aaaallllll of it out. Every time. Then rewards you with an enormous smile immediately afterwards. While you wipe the sticky orange and purple goo from your spectacles and hair and struggle to keep your sanity intact.

Fun fun fun!

Why don't they rather make the meds into bum bullets? Suppositories totally rock. No prising open her jaws. No grape-flavoured slime in your hair. It'd be FABULOUS!

Perhaps I should reconsider my ambitions of being a stay-home-mom and hillbilly couch potato, and rather opt for a career in award-winning super-clever pharmaceutical technologist thingy-ma-jiggyness. I wonder if they'd take me serious in my now orange and purple splattered outfits?


Jo said...

aah the joys of administering medicine (thinking back with a smile, well I can smile not that all that's behind me now).
Good luck hope they get better soon

Ms. J said...

Two thoughts . . . could you mix it with breast milk (I think you are still nursing, not sure) via bottle?

Also, this is ore of a share . . . my Lil Pumpkin can sleep through train whistles and barking dogs, but if I come within an inch of her sleeping head to plant a kiss? BAM, her radar switches on and she waves an arm in the air to block me! Hee hee. But she keeps sleeping.

Hanlie said...

Keep the nose closed while you put the meds in her mouth, they swollow everytime. Good luck. I remember those days!

Amy said...

I love the sense of humor you bring to all trying situations. Keep up the good (and sticky) work!

Kymberli said...

You are freakin' funny. I hope baby girl is feeling better fast (and that you get some much-needed sleep!).

Anonymous said...

Hanli is one smart cookie... mine is also on meds. I've been putting it in her bottle.

Zara said...

Yup..similar to Hanlie...blew in their faces and the reflex is to gulp...done it too many works! Hard on every one when your baby gets sick!