A few of you might remember that I caught a bit of a speed wobble a little while back, when I found out that Jesse-Lee's birthmom was preggarooski again. The rest of you must have been visiting the moon that day.
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The news shoved me from my peaceful pedestal into the depths of the deepest, darkest, horriblest (yes, that must be a real word!) place. For a while. Until some of our bestest buddies spoke a few holes into our heads and convinced us to move on. Which I did. In principle. In practise, I've been secretly hoping that everything would go horribly wrong for the two birthparents and that they would BEG us to take their latest offering. Thereby completing our family of four. And making me the happiest person on the planet.
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But that would make me a terrible person. So I've been keeping that loathsome bit of information to myself. Because, you know, I'm all about image.
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Anyhoo. This morning Robin received a phonecall from none other than the birthdad himself, happily informing us that Jesse-Lee's sister, Vickayla, was born two days ago. The 28th of April. And that things are going really well. Apart from the fact that birthmom is having some difficulty with the boobjuice, and general unhappiness at the state of the hospital she was forced to use.
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I wish I could tell you that we are happy to hear that they are happy. But really, it's hard not to wish a colicky baby on them to put aside our feelings and just be fiddledeedee about it. When we know that Jesse-Lee's own sister will be living in squalor, in an environment where swearing and substance abuse and fighting are the order of the day...
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I'm just soooo grateful that we have little Jess. Without her, this would be so much harder to deal with!
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In the meantime I'll have to keep asking God for forgiveness that I'm such a bitter old sourcrout. And ask God to bless little Vickayla and keep her safe in the midst of the situation she's in. After all, she IS Jesse-Lee's sister.
6 comments:
Wow. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. We have to pray that God watches over that little girl.
Meanwhile, I know that Jessie Lee is the luckiest girl in the world.
Oh geez, so many mixed emotions there. I can't imagine how we would deal if we learned that Lil Pumpkin had a DNA-sibling (which we are sure she does, after all).
My advice (not sure you asked for it) . . . okay, my thoughts . . . since some of those around you know this info (that they chose to parent the second child), ask them to keep their lips zipped. And be prepared to someday share this info with Jesse-Lee - someday she will ask questions, wonder, or find out from someone's lose lips. And she will begin to go through such emotional minefields as "WHY didn't they keep ME?!" We all can reason that she is better off with you and Daddy, but that's too much rationalization for a child to understand. So start preparing yourself for THAT CONVERSATION (and it will be a series of them).
HUGS.
Sorry my friend. Just pray for little Jessy's sister. That God will keep her safe and healthy.
You're not a bitter old sourcrout. EVERYONE knows Vickayla would be better off with her sister...
I'll certainly be praying for her.
Char,
Please don't feel guilty for any of those thoughts. I seriously believe any of us (ok, at least I) would have had the same/similar thoughts. We are all human, after all. You love your Jesse-Lee fiercely and by some extension, you love that little baby too. It hurts to know that she may not get everything in life that you and Robin could give her. I am sorry.
I can only imagine how you must be feeling...I don't know how I would feel if I knew that Hannah's birthmom was preggie again...
I hope she will be okay in that house.
Thinking of you - and again, your little sausage is just gorgeous!
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