Party. Two Weeks. My place...

...if we survive until then, that is.
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Long story.
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Ah, what the hello. Might as well tell y'all about it. Pull up a chair. This could take a while. See, in addition to being an undisciplined parent, I've also been indulgent. My girlie is now 19 months and 9 days old. And still doesn't eat. As in, has never had a complete meal. Does not, WILL not eat. Refuses.
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She's nothing if not tenacious. Very stubborn this one. Gets that from me.
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So, we've been compensating for the lack of food by allowing her to drink of her bottle whenever she wants it. Because, you know, POOR CHILD! She must be STARVING! Only problem with that is, I've had to get out of bed to make bottles between three and six times per night, every night. For the past 19 months and 9 days.
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Not that I'm counting or anything.
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Needless to say, there's only SO long that you can go without sleep before you land up two or three sandwiches short of a picnic.
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And seriously - have you seen the state of my bags??? Under my eyes, I mean. Beauty Sleep? Ha! The only thing beautiful on me right now is my new pair of jeans. (Woot for holidays with malls nearby!!!)
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Anyhoo. One too many nights of six wake-ups meant I "woke up" (figure of speech, considering) with a serious bee in my bonnet to break the cycle. Sis-in-law recommended a great doc locally who says it like it is. Apparently he's a paediatric surgeon. I could be wrong. Things are a bit fuzzy. But he has a string of letters behind his name, so me thinks he's a big shot.
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A very nice big shot, it turns out. And boy, does he tell it like it is. My kind of doctor. We chatted for a while, he asked a bunch of questions, checked Sugar Booger out, then sat us down for a tongue lashing long chat.
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He says:-

1. Jesse has a drinking problem! She wakes up so often every night because she needs to have a drink. And she won't go back to sleep without it. Hence, the drinking problem.
   
2. Jesse should have been sleeping through the night by the age of six months. (Amen and amen!)
   
3. She should have been drinking no more than 400ml of formula daily by the age of one year.
4. She drinks such a lot because WE allow her to do so. (ouch!)
   
5. Therefore she isn't hungry because she's getting adequate nutrition from the formula.
6. She takes in most of her nutrition nocturnally because that's when we're most likely to put up the least fight. (Sneaky bugger!)
7. If we don't put a stop to it, she will have us wrapped around her little finger before long. (Hello. Did he read my blog post from the first of Jan?)
   
8. She will not learn to speak if she doesn't learn to eat.
9. She will not eat if we keep giving her a bottle.
10. She is strong-willed and will fight us for a few weeks.

He instructed us to throw away all of her bottles and formula immediately, so that when we're sleep-deprived and weak and want to give in to her ferocious demands, we won't be able to give in. Clever man.
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He instructed us to buy a bunch of sippy cups and to only give her water or rooibos tea. So we'll basically be starving her of her nutrition to FORCE her to start eating.
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My shattered nerves!
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Thankfully, he has given us a bottle of mooti to help her to sleep through for the next ten nights, just to break the waking habit, and to help us to catch up on some lost ZZZzzzzz's and hopefully be stronger in the daytime when it will require some willpower to say no.
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Tonight is the first night with no bottle.
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Lord have mercy!
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Thank Heavens tomorrow I am absconding to Cape Town for three nights, so it will be Robin's problem while I'm away.
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My hubby is going to deserve an industrial-sized smooch when I return from my galavanting around the Cape! And if we happen to survive the next few weeks without caving and buying copious amounts of formula and new bottles, there just might be a party at my place in two weeks. For the rest of us who might or might not have a drinking problem of our own by then...
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And that's about all that I have to say about that.