Tuesday, 22 January 2008

Irony

It's been a few days. Robin and I were cavorting in Johannesburg with friends of ours on an extended weekend. I had to be at my plastic surgeon (I love the sound of that - my plastic surgeon - very hoity toity!) yesterday morning for a boob alignment checkup. But we made a weekend of it and did some serious coffee-shop-hopping. And now I'm in withdrawal. There's not even a whiff of coffee to be sniffed anywhere in Dundee and surrounds. I know because Robin and I spent one whole day of our christmas holiday driving around in a relentless pursuit for the good stuff. You know - the kind of coffee shop where you smell the beans already from the parking lot.
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I've even considered importing my own private coffee barrister. From, like, Brazil. Or Italy. Someplace exotic. With good coffee beans. Because this little town we live near to is in serious need of catching a wake-up in the coffee department.
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Anyhoo. That was my caffeine-withdrawal-drivel talking.
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Now for some infertility stuff. Again. I just can't seem to get away from it somehow. So, sorry folks. It's me again. Brain-dumping all of my issues on my blog...
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My friend Riana was telling us about a young girl who had fallen pregnant and was seeking an abortion at the hospital where another friend of ours, Janele, works. (Yes, abortion is legal in South Africa.) Janele was trying to convince the girl not to have an abortion but rather to give the child up for adoption, because there are so many couples yearning for children to love. After a while the young girl (who was already 23 weeks pregnant along and therefore could not have the abortion anyway) acquiesced and went home with her mother, who incidentally also wanted her daughter to get an abortion. I know. Very angersome for me. But anyway, this particular part of the story is not about me. A while later the young girl was back at the hospital. She had deliberately stabbed all manner of objects up her *hoot hoot* and ruptured the amniotic sac and the baby had died because there was no fluid left for it to float in. So then the hospital had to remove the baby from the girl's body.
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This was where I almost blew a fuse. I always try not to spew forth anger when I hear stories like that. For the sake of the people telling me the story. But I was with some really good friends and if they thought I was strong enough to hear the story, then they'd have to be strong enough to cope with my reaction. Which, actually wasn't too effusive after all. I just gritted my teeth together and said, "you know, the terrible thing about this story is that she will probably fall pregnant again within a few months and do the same thing again. She won't be punished with infertility for doing what she did. She has no idea how valuable that child was." Not that I believe that infertility is a punishment. At all. It's just so unfair sometimes.
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Is it a case of "you always want what you can't have"? Could that be it? When you're pregnant you don't want the child. When you can't have a child, that's all that you want. Is that it?
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I don't know.
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But later on that same day, Robin and I were chatting as we drove back from a visit with some friends. I said to him...
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"Isn't it a terrible twist that I especially wanted to marry you because I knew what a wonderful father you would be? And now I can't make you a father."
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and he said...
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"Well, the main reason I broke up with *** (his girlfriend before we got together) was because she didn't want to have children."
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How's that for ironic?


2 comments:

Aurette said...

I cannot believe it! It makes me so sad Char! I really do wish that Jesus would come so that we can go home where there will be no more pain and heartache! I love you very much!

Kelly said...

I don't know what to say. The two of you must be the perfect soul mates.