Wednesday, 30 July 2008
60 days
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
Tips and Tricks, edition 3
- Call in all of your friends to help. A team of about six or seven adults should do the trick. In the absence of reliable friends, proceed at your own risk. With caution. And a stash of caffeine at the ready.
- Set your thermostat or heater on the highest setting possible if you're doing this in winter, as this will allow you to derobe. Blue metallic paint likes fabric, y'all. My curtains will never be the same. Neither will my eiderdown. Or my shoes.
- Make sure you have the curtains drawn. Especially if your neighbours are peeping toms.
- Now is about the time to get nekkid. Both you and the wriggly monster.
- Talk sweetly in a soothing voice, so as to keep a measure of calm.
- A tot or two of strong caffeine at this point should soothe the nerves.
- Dip the paintbrush into the paint. Do not be tempted to put too much paint on the brush. It makes for glooby prints. And bigger paint splatters on your scatter cushions.
- Prise open the fingers of the child. (It might help to wait until she's asleep. I didn't. That's how I know.)
- QUICK! paint the child's palm.
- Even QUICKER! remove the drooled-on-cardboard from between your clenched teeth and press against your child's palm.
- Talk sweetly in a soothing voice, so as to keep a measure of calm.
- Peel away the cardboard from the child's hand, which is probably already aiming for the tightly-curled-fist-position again, and place the
smeared, barely recognisable handprintedpainted cardboard on a flat, dry surface. Face up. (If you can do this while still holding your child's hand, this would be FABULOUS! If not, make sure you have a bucket of warm soapy water ready to wipe the blue paint from your child's hand. And hair.) - Talk sweetly in a soothing... ah, what the heffalump! Press speed-dial on your cellphone and instruct your husband to abandon whatever he's doing and come to help immediately! Believe me, it's all downhill from there. Once the child knows what's coming, there aint no way on this blue planet you're going to get another handprint, leave alone two footprints. And believe it or not, Dear Hubby won't mind rescuing two partially clad damsels in distress from a paint splattered room. I have it on good authority.
Now if only I can find a way to remove glittery blue paint from green gingham.
Posted by Char at 07:22 2 lurkers delurked & commented
Labels: arty fartsy stuff, coffee, Jesse-Lee
Sunday, 27 July 2008
A special note to Ms J.
Posted by Char at 13:28 0 lurkers delurked & commented
Thursday, 24 July 2008
Doing Moses
People, that's tantamount to declining your lotto winnings!
Sunday, 20 July 2008
Saturday, 19 July 2008
Friday, 18 July 2008
Gas? Gas Schmas, I say
Posted by Char at 14:05 7 lurkers delurked & commented
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
Tips and Tricks, Edition 2
How could I have overlooked sharing this one with you? If the man in your life is as clever as mine, then right about now, you should be sitting forward in your seat. Allow me to explain. See, when Hubby Dearest and I were freshly-weds back in the day, we were all gung-ho about sharing chores, et cetera, warra warra fish paste. You know, all that pie in the sky / bed of roses kinda stuff. My hubby must've gotten a few tips n tricks from some of his married pals, because come dishwashing time, my hubby galantly volunteered to wash all of the dishes. Wow!, I thought! I totally hit the jackpot with this man of mine! And then Hubby Dearest proceeded to wash the dishes SO BADLY that I politely declined all of his offers to wash the dishes thereafter. See? Totally devious clever man I have.
Fast forward seven and a half years to the arrival of our sugar dumpling. Hubby Dearest galantly offers to share all baby-duties with overtired wife. Can you tell where this is going? Yuuupppp. OK, so we split the chores. Hubby feeds all eight pets and the chickens every night when he gets home. Char feeds the sugar booger. Hubby makes his own supper every night. Char scoffs all the chocolates and crisps in the pantry cupboard eats whatever she can lay her hands on. Hubby takes the early morning shift with the sugar booger (from approximately 4 a.m. until approximately 6:30 a.m.). Char mans the night shift. Both parents are super happy with the very nifty plan, because Char is a night owl anyway, and Robin always wakes up with the fowls anyway. SO... plan is enacted. All's well that almost ends well. Well, until hubby starts rushing the nappy changing in the mornings, because punkin pie is starting to get the wriggles. Great fun. She waits until you're about to close the nappy, then she does the jig and watches you trying to pin her legs down with your elbows and hold the nappy down with your one hand, while pushing the legs away from the sticky part of the nappy and... you get the picture. No problemo for hubby, he just half attaches the nappy, then closes it all with the press-studded vest, hoping it will hold everything in place. Then, at our shift change time, Char finds all manner of interesting things in baby's vest and leggings. If you know what I mean.
Lucky for me, I see through Hubby Dearest's sabotage. Lucky for him, he's friggin hot.
Needless to say, there will be a few lessons in holding down the wriggling monster and strapping her into a poop-catcher nappy-changing taking place in the Hillbilly Household soon. Beginning with how to avoid getting your shoes wet. And that's all I have to say about that.
Posted by Char at 15:30 6 lurkers delurked & commented
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
Tips and Tricks, Edition 1
Hi guys. My blog is giving me error messages again. (What's new, right?) So it might be a while before I can share some more pics of our caramel pie with you again. In the meantime, it might be a good idea for me to share a few things with you that have been happening.
And now I'm sitting here wondering just how to share with you all the thoughts and run-amock-emotions that we've experienced since our noony came home...
Firstly, let me just say, there are a few tips and tricks I've learned mighty fast, y'all. So, if you're preggo's and would love another batch of unsolicited advice from someone you've never met who knows ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING about rearing a newborn, now's your opportunity to run and grab a pen and paper...
1. Cradle Cap isn't catchy. Even though you might still feel the need to wear rubber gloves when you touch her.
2. Contrary to your worst nightmares, ingesting a little bit of baby's wee will NOT render you dead within ten seconds. Or two minutes, for that matter. Investing in a pack of minty gum might lessen the pure horror of the taste sensation though. Then again, if you're a fan of dried fish, this might well be your, ahem, cup of tea. Or pee. OK, ew. Now I'm even grossing myself out.
3. Do NOT squeeze any little zits that appear on your baby's face. I repeat. DO NOT squeeze any pimples on your child's face. Step awwwwwaaaaaay from the child. Put away that insatiable desire to see that bubble explode! Go and put on those rubber gloves again (see advice number 1) if you cannot restrain yourself. It works. Believe me. It is virtually impossible to squeeze a zit with yellow rubber gloves on your hands.
4. When your baby is screaming bloody blue murder and you have implemented the process of elimination to determine why she's about to break the sound barrier, (a. is she hungry? b. does she have a wind stuck? c. does she have a wet bottom even though you changed her just five minutes ago? d. is she tired? - helllllo! I'm also tired!) and you don't know what to do with her anymore, a few drops of Rescue Remedy often does the trick. For me, not her. I have been sorely tempted to dose her with some Paediatric Panado on the odd occassion when she's got the wrigglies in the middle of the night and my matchsticks no longer want to hold up my eyelids, but hitherto have dodged the temptation. It was a close call a few times, but hey, a miss is as good as a mile, right?
I have many more nifty tips, but right now my butterscotch pudding is putting my resistance to the test asking for attention. And now she's giving me another one of her dazzlers... Who could possibly resist?
Posted by Char at 08:58 4 lurkers delurked & commented
Labels: Jesse-Lee
Thursday, 10 July 2008
Because I'm devoid of inspiration time...
Tuesday, 1 July 2008
M.I.A.
Posted by Char at 11:52 6 lurkers delurked & commented