I must admit, I was kind of expecting a few comments on my post yesterday. But I truly wasn't expecting so many kind, thoughtful emails from my friends who know me well enough to know when it's time to comment and when it's time to mail. Blogging has so many rewards, but the biggest reward is being able to say what I want to say, and know my friends can read between what I've said and what I'm holding in, and stand in the gap for me. Thank you for your prayers and emails. Yes, this whole infertility / adoption / surrogacy thing has squashed my Hope considerably. I have moments of complete despair over it. And then I have moments when I feel totally distanced from it - as if I don't really care what happens, one way or another. I suppose it could be a protective mechanism. (Well, what do you know - at least something in my body is working the way it should!) But mostly, right now, it all just feels numb. I have this overwhelming "WHATEVER!" sensation. Which is a good thing, I guess. I prefer this to sitting and crying about things. I don't do crying. Hate hate hate crying. So, numb is much nicer for me.
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Of course, something that does always make me feel better is presents. I'm just saying. Thanks for the emails guys. But if you really wanna make me feel better, here's a (very condensed) list of things I would love (you know, just in case):-
- An amazon.com voucher
- A round-trip ticket to visit my tjommies in North Carolina and/or Brussels
- An e-bay voucher (if they make such things)
- flowers
- C.K. Be (my fave perfume!)
- Chocolates
- Cappuccino in a real coffee shop (like starbucks)
- A baby (or your eggs. You know, just in case you were considering it... I'm just saying!)
- A visit to Oprah.
- New boobs (feel free to contribute to my Boozie Fund. Details to be announced soon.)
In the meantime, I'll be rocking myself in the corner feasting on all the things I wouldn't be allowed if I was preggie, e.g. stinky cheese, cappuccino, sugar and junk.
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