Friday, 1 February 2008

I'm a sucker for punishment

Apparently, the allure of giving fertility treatments one last try proved too tempting for my restraint. I decided to take another trip to my doctor here in Dundee to see if he could give me some Dragon Pills (a.k.a. Clomiphene Citrate) just to give this Wishing For A Baby thing one last chance. I haven't touched a fertility pill for over a year now. But apparently it's not quite out of my system - this silly desire to have a baby of my own. So, I took the plunge. Bought another ticket for that roller-coaster ride that is The Pursuit of Motherhood. I've really been trying to move on. Been doing all sorts of things to try to make life as yummy as possible, if it meant that life would never include a baby of my own. Because, as I've told you all a gazillion times before already - "if this is my lot, then I may as well be happy with it, right?" Wrong. Been there, done that, can't let go of this desire of mine to be a mother. And I really did try to stop thinking about it, dwelling on it, et cetera. And the ticking of my biological clock in my ears just won't shut up either. It keeps saying to me "maybe you should just give it one last bash, before your eggs really are all dried up and biltong-like. And then you will NEVER have the opportunity to just try one last time. Because by then it will just be too late."
I so did NOT want to be barking up this tree again. But here I am. I remembered a post that Tertia did about giving up. And I've read it so often I can almost quote it word for word. And for a while I thought we'd made the right decision. For my sanity's sake. But I kept stepping on my broken dreams with bare feet and, believe it or not, it still hurts.
So, two days ago I made another trip into town to go see my doctor. Incidentally, he's the same doctor who removed my stitches after my renovations. So, the first thing he asked me when he saw me was how the "ladies" were doing! haha! I told him really good. As was evident in the slightly clingy shirt I was wearing that day. He asked if he could see, and, never one to shy away from sharing my bounty with anyone, I promptly removed my shirt and lifted my boozie-hanger ever-so-slightly so he could see how well my wounds were healing. All very clinical-like. Promise. No hokey pokey funny business. Very scientific. But even Doctors can blush. Anyhoo... I explained the whole doo-dah-please-give-me-a-chance-at-being-a-mommy-story, and he said, no-problemo, and I said thank-you-very-much-kind-sir and off he went to find me some Dragon Pills. He handed them to me with a flourish and a wink and a three month prescription was mine for the taking, for FREE! Never underestimate the power of My Weapons of Mass Distraction. And that's all I have to say about that.

So, now I have three months worth of Dragon Pills. And another three months of Hoping. Please Hope with me? I am so determined not to be negative about this round of torture treatment, because, after all, I asked for it. And I really want it to work.

I took the very first pill in this month's course just this morning. And boy oh boy, they are already working. I am already bloaty, have ringing ears and a slight propensity for over-exaggeration. Oh wait, that's normal is it? Well, let's just say that I'm also already verging on emotional snappiness. That's just one of the other delightful side-effects of clomiphene citrate. Please exercise extreme caution when approaching this infertile right now. Don't tell me I never warned you.


So, guys, here we go. Are you ready for the ride?



Heath said...

I have been on Clomid for 2 months and the first month - some serious 'effects' and the next month is not as drastic....
your body seems to get used to it?

Kate said...

Oh I hope the pills work. Side effects sound like about as much fun as waxing but if they do the trick it's all worth it in the end right?

Really cute blog!!!

Zar said...

I'm praying for you and my fingers are crossed all the way!

Kelly said...

Hoping for the best!!!

Strawberry_Lamb said...

I'm with you along this path ... will be hoping all the way with you.
Hoping & Praying for you.
Keep us posted.

Melissa said...


Thanks for stopping my my humble little blog! :)

I'll be crossing everything along with you!

Rita said...

My fingers are crossed. Hope it works

Meredith Teagarden said...

Dear Char,

I am filled with hope for you!