The last time I shared with you about our JTBP (Journey To Becoming Parents), we had decided to do the whole donor eggs story remember? Well, while I've been waiting for The Big Day (15 May) of my appointment at the fertility specialists, I've been simultaneously investigating adoption from Russia. I'm still humming and haa-ing sitting on the fence investigating both, you see. Both options are very time-consuming and big black holes for our hard-earned dosh.
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It must be difficult for you very fertile women to understand the desperation us infertiles feel. It's quite unlike anything I've ever had to face before, because it's not something we can deal with, lay to rest and carry on with life, with our neatly-labelled-infertility bottled and stashed in the pantry, never to be opened again. As regularly (or irregularly) as our cycle comes around, that's as regularly (or irregularly) as we get to face those same demons all over again. Those doubts that God really loves me, because surely if He did, He would answer my prayers! The inability to see beyond the pain. The absolute despondency and the growing hatred of the body you're stuck in. Every available resource that would enable us infertiles to have a child of our own is bloody very expensive. Whether you go through the whole fertility treatment rigmarole, or adopt from some far-flung country, it's all going to steal all our savings. What comes so easily to you, will never be an option for me.
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And it makes deciding what to do with our meager savings quite a tough decision. Because we can either adopt from Russia (a sure thing, with a definite happy ending and resulting in an empty savings account) or try IVF (and maybe stand a miniscule chance at having a child that carries our genes and still empty our savings account). The one has a definite happy ending, the other a big fat question mark. But both leave us dirt poor! haha.
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For me, the money makes no difference. We've lived with little before, and I'll happily live with little again, if it means that I'll be clutching a baby all my very own in my arms. What does make a difference though, is which option will give us a good return on our investment! haha! Because, once the money is gone, it's gone. Ga. Oh. Nn. Eh. Gone. And that leaves us with NO options for our next "try" at becoming parents.
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So what should we do? Help! We need some help in this decision!
4 comments:
I think that to have the treatment done, expensive and first prize. You still have no guarantee that the money that you have spent that it will work. All your hopes and dreams are put into one basket. But if you adopt, "you are guaranteed a return on your investment" so you put it. You will never have money when you have kids, face it, but at least you will never have a dull moment if you do adopt, you can hold something for the money that you have spent. I think that the later is the way to go Char. I love you lots and want this pain of yours to go away and I know that we will love an adopted baby as much as if it was your own. Who can resist a tiny little baby? I cannot..... Love Aurette
We faced this kind of decision many years ago, and now, as the extremely grateful mother of three (all adopted), I hope you go for the "sure thing."
It's very hard to put into words how wonderful adoption has been. We love them all so much....It's been a blessing beyond words.
Wishing you all the very best!
Dear A Nonny Mouse
Thanks so much for your comment! I know so many adoptees and only two adopters. I love hearing that others have had happy endings to their stories, and I can't wait to get mine! Thanks so much for your advice. :o)
Char, hi it's marcia. I decided to do a search on your blog on "adoption" so I'm reading your whole story. Fun hey?
go read http://overwhelmedwithjoy.blogspot.com - they have adopted one and are busy with number 2 now
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