Funerals and invitations

There's something about funerals that puts things back into perspective.

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Today I played the piano for the funeral of a dear old man at church, who was as familiar as the furniture. Not a Sabbath passed without him walking up to me, grabbing my hand, shaking it firmly and saying "Hello Charmaine! How are you today?" and not in that flippant "how are you" fashion that pre-empts the routine "fine" type answer, but in a genuine "how are you really doing?" kind of way. This tall slender old man really cared. And not just about me, but about every single person who crossed that threshold (and those who didn't). He's left some mighty big shoes to fill. Now, who's going to be the big ol "Uncle Dan" at church?

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And it made me think - how many times didn't I walk a circle around him (or anyone else for that matter) because he might take a moment longer than I was willing to share, because I had something much more important (read "selfish") to do. Wow. What a selfish, self-centred, self-indulgent, self-interested, self-seeking person I am!

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself [Philippians 2 v 3 NKJV]

So many people wanted to stand up today and say something about ol' Uncle Dan when the opportunity was presented them. And I hid sat behind the piano wondering "What will people have to say about me one day when they plant me?" (See? Ever the selfish one! - even his obituary became about ME! ME! ME!) Boy oh boy, God has a lot of work to do in me still... When I die one day, what seeds will I have left behind? How have I influenced people? Do people know that I love Jesus? Is it evident? Are they attracted to Jesus because of how I show Him to be? Am I a poor advert for christianity?

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What is the point of this infertility thing, if it doesn't teach me to reach out to God and to grasp His hand more firmly? I so don't deserve the grace He has offered me. And that just makes it all the more graceful to be given it. Two thousand years before I was even a twinkle in my parents' eyes, Jesus had me in mind when He was on the cross. And you. Jesus had you in mind too. The same hand that stretched out to be nailed on that cross, reaches out to you and me every day. An endless invitation to become His.

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Ol' Uncle Dan was His. I want to be too!