Monday, 5 March 2007

Sleepless nights

I used to have them all the time. So I would read until the sandman had dumped the Namib into my eyes, click off my bedside lamp, then be miraculously wide awake again. Why can't that happen when you're trying to watch a really good show and you fall asleep just as the plot thickens, and awake just as the credits roll? Murphy's Law and all of that.
But no. Insomnia comes with the territory. It's another one of those lovely by-products of being "uptight". A very good friend once told me that one of the reasons I couldn't fall pregnant or asleep was probably because I am tightly wound. Deeply offended and mortified at the time, every last hair on the back of my head rose in self-righteous indignation. As if it wasn't enough that I couldn't "just have faith" and I would be pregnant!
However, and I've given this a lot of thought, so make sure you're seated for this one... There's something to be said for friends who speak the truth to you, even when they know they might hurt you, but care enough about you to know that you actually do need to hear it. Because sometimes, as much as we (by we, I actually mean I...) would rather have an enema than admit it, they are one hundred percent totally on-the-dot right.

I'm a slow learner though. It's taken me all of three years to come to the point that I am finally willing to concede. Padda, you were on-the-dot, my friend. You were right and I am uptight. And that sux. Because even though I am now "just relaxing" and not even trying to fall pregnant anymore, and even though the sandman is still my guest every night, I am still sleepless.
And I didn't even have a beloved* yesterday.
*beloved's = my cappuccino's

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hey cuz, thanks for the invite to share in what you're going through - really interesting reading and having been so far from you all for so long we had no idea what you and rob've been going through. but it's good to get it off your chest, take the burden off your shoulders and let the smiley, happy, fun-loving char come through, that's our overriding image of you! nothing we can say will change anything for you, but know that we are here half way around the world (colder and wetter!) but nevertheless sharing in your journey. lotsa luv, the brits.